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Aug. 2nd, 2012 | 07:18 pm

I haven't been here for almost a year. The time flies by.

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oh yes.

May. 14th, 2011 | 07:03 pm

I forgot to mention that Matthew apologized and is now giving me my bike back and Henry's ashes. Predictable.

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I got a haircut.

May. 14th, 2011 | 07:00 pm


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Apr. 23rd, 2011 | 09:17 am

I have developed a horrendous cold!
I did go to work yesterday but dove straight into bed after I got home.

Ok, so here is the LAST email I sent Matt this morning:

I'm not going to sit around an dwell on this situation.
If you choose to keep Henry's ashes and my bicycle, so be it. I have legs and I can walk just like I have been doing. I love Henry and he will always be with me in spirit. Go ahead and keep everything if that will make you feel justified. It's still a shitty thing to do....too bad you can't see that like everyone else can. Well, everyone except for the people in your inner circle of hate.
I will pay the loans back when I can afford to. Period. Simple as that. I have to pay my rent and put food on the table first.
If you are so concerned about $$ maybe you should get a roommate like everyone else.

I held back a lot of what I REALLY wanted to say.

It worries me every day I wake up. There's not much I can do though. And I still have to finish my degree.
The divorce has shattered me financially and being on my own now, I have to watch every penny.

I signed over my house and my dogs to him and he STILL needs to be greedy.

I'm done. Stick a fork in me.

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once a jerk, always a jerk.

Apr. 22nd, 2011 | 10:42 pm

So, my cat Henry died a couple months ago.
I was going to take my cat to be cremated at the vets and pay for it. Matthew insisted that his new girlfriend's friend who is a vet do the cremation~~ for free! I thought, well, that's great. He said the ashes would be ready in a week or so.
That was 2 months ago.
I called and emailed Matthew today to PLEASE take care of removing my name from the 2 mortgages, for I signed over the house to him 3 months ago. I also asked him when I could come pick up my bicycle, because I no longer own a vehicle and it IS my bike.
He writes back that since he got contacted by one of my student loan companies for payment, he will not release my cat's ashes nor give me my bike back.
Matthew is a co-signer on ALL my student loans.
He never thinks about the role he has played through all this. He has become quite the little extortionist.
So, no Henry and no bicycle.
What a fucking prick.
He disturbs me on many levels.
Sorry to be preachy, but he seriously has zero morals.
Case in point: He told me that he had sex with our mutual friend, who has terminal breast cancer. He wrote on twitter about it: "one last shag is the least I can do for her. She's dying and no one would fuck her."
He's such a piece of shit!
And people actually wonder why I left him.

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(no subject)

Mar. 28th, 2011 | 07:32 pm

my doctor boss took me out to lunch today. It was my 3 month end probationary period. I have passed, got a raise, health insurance, and now an official member of "team health" (ok, I made that last part up).
Theo started his college classes today. You know what's good to hear? That he really loves it and this is what he wanted in school all along. Damn I love my kid.
15 days until UW application is due. Better get started.

I had an interesting conversation with a patient today...about not being able to have children. She revealed she was a therapist. No wonder she was so open and forthright.

It was a good day.
Tags: , ,

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a big ol' entry.

Mar. 27th, 2011 | 12:27 pm

I thought an update is in order, since it's been over a year since I've been here.

Me: I survived 2010, barely. It all seems like a big blur. In early 2010, I couldn't find a job to save my life. I finished my 200 hour unpaid medical assisting externship and became a medical assistant and a clinical lab assistant and produced another useless AA degree. I sold both of my vehicles, sold $1500 worth of my vintage clothing collection and bought a one way ticket to Copenhagen, Denmark in June of 2010. I lived over there for 4 months, and my visa did not get extended.I would have sent for Theo (that was the plan) but it wasn't looking good for me to stay. I could not get a work permit for the time I was there. We were very poor but happy despite financial strain. When my visa ran out, I left the country and moved back to Seattle to look for work. In January 0f 2011, I found a job as a medical assistant at a Holistic medical clinic near UW. I have re-applied for college and start next month. Bachelor's degree while I work as an MA. I am also planning on applying to a Physician Assistant program to I still want to work in health care for the rest of my career life. What a passion and hunger I still have everyday. I do love helping people. I live with a roommate in an old, A frame farmhouse near the city and I adopted a dog named Lily, who keeps me company. I see Theo a couple times a week.

Matt: Matt is still Matt. Our divorce took one year because he wouldn't sign the papers. I had to hire a lawyer. We went out for drinks a couple months ago to talk about the debacle. I tried to forgive him but I just cannot. He is very conceited. He has slept with 8 women since we broke up. He had sex with a mutual friend of ours, who is withering away from breast cancer, because "he felt sorry for her." (He told me all this). He admitted sleeping with 3 women during our marriage.He didn't apologize. Our old house is in a sort of shambles. He neglects my dogs, who he battled me in court for custody. Currently, he is dating a hairstylist from VAIN. He tells me he's much happier and that divorce isn't so bad. Whatever.

Todd and I: we are still happily together. Since my moving there didn't work out, he is planning on moving here when he sells his art gallery. It's been for sale for a year....your guess is as good as mine. We talk about 3-4 times a week via skype. He's coming to visit in 7 days. I haven't seen him for 4 months.

Theo: He's good! He is a certified scuba diver now. He is starting college next week. He is an amazing person. I'm proud to be his mama. The only sad thing? Matt has nothing to do with theo. Matt hasn't called or emailed since kicking us out of the house on January 20, 2009. After 15 years of having this person as a step dad, that is cruel to do that to a child.

I'm probably forgetting a lot. But that's the nuts and bolts.

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(no subject)

Mar. 27th, 2011 | 11:00 am

I have come back to my journal.
Now that it is a safe place to be, I can write in here once again. Matthew broke into it last year (by breaking into Todd's journal) and I didn't feel good about all that. Things have changed, time has passed, and now I feel like coming back here again.

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I posted this a while ago, thought it was interesting.

Mar. 26th, 2011 | 02:52 pm


My 2 cents:

I was a scared, 23 year old that hadn't even taken a birthing class. My doctor was in a hurry to go on vacation and induced my labor. I wasn't in a small room like on tv programs like TLC. I was in a huge room with a million people running around.It was chaos.I was talked in to having an epidural. My deformed spine rejected the insertion twice so I had to have three. I was scared to death that the needle was going to slip and paralyze me.I couldn't feel myself pushing and the nurses had to tell me to push.It was an exhausting 11 hours. It was so clinical. Complications arose because I couldn't push due to not being able to feel anything. I felt like I hadn't even participated in my own son's birth.

If I had to do it over again, I would have taken the pain so I could feel the actual birth and have some control. I think that women aren't educated enough about what options they have. More teaching needs to occur before the birth; we need more midwives and holistic support for young mothers especially.
Taking away the choice for epidurals is not right, however. There is a time and a place for those. Women do need more teaching BEFORE the birth, to be able to cope with and work through the pain of childbirth.When a woman is laying on that table, in pain,an epidural can seem like a great idea.I also don't think that just because childbirth is a natural event, no woman should have to be in terrible pain because that is a woman's job to endure it as a part of biology. There has to be a fine balance there. It is up to the nurses and doctors to teach the patients about the best options for them and have a plan in place; not take away the option entirely.


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Feb. 5th, 2010 | 08:06 am

Court ordered police civil standbys are fucking useless. I got a court order to go to my home and get my things. I found out that Matthew got into my livejournal and read my entry about going there on Thursday. He sent me an email, saying "see you Thursday!", so I naively thought that he would actually BE there so I could get in the house to get my things.
Nick and I waited down the street for an hour for the police to get there. Civil standbys are a low priority for police, so they make you wait what seems a lifetime.
While waiting, Matthew zips by on his bicycle.Again, he knew I was coming after he got home from work and left anyway.
I guess I have no choice but to file more papers with the court and try to get my things that way, since Matthew doesn't have any sense of doing what is right.

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